the valentines conundrum
by Jenko83
Summary: Little thing I have been thinking about. Seemed appropriate around valentines day. Bit of fluff for you folk. Not a long one 2-3 chapters max.
1. Chapter 1

Bernie awoke on Valentine 's Day acutely aware that she should be waking up next to the woman she loves, but because she loved Serena so much she had respected Serena's decision to want space. Space that now was growing. But Bernie knew this was temporary, hoped it was temporary. Knowing full well that Serena only had to ask and she would be there.

Their day at work had not been without challenges. Bernie did not want to say that Serena had come back too soon but she clearly was not coping. It really wrangled her heart that she had to take control of the situation and pull Serena up on the strange and frankly worrying behaviour.

As she drove home her mind wandered to Jasmine, how she had walked in on Bernie finding all those bottles in their office. How quick she had been to defend Serena. She was still figuring that one out. Not to dwell on for now. The thing to dwell on was that despite the emotions of the day Serena wanted her to go over tonight, she was letting her walls down. The embrace in their office was the most contact they had, had both physically and mentally.

 _"I don't want us to fall apart"_ She thought about those words she spoke as they held each other. She had never meant anything more seriously. Being with Serena was not about anything but pure love and being there for one another. Even with everything going on Bernie did not feel the need to run. Quite the opposite, Serena was a magnet. Her magnet.

She arrived home, and sorted herself out, wanting to be with Serena as soon as possible. Not wanting to miss out on a minute, wanting to show Serena that if she called, Bernie would be there.

She hesitated as she left the flat picking up the small box from the side containing the valentine's gift she had for Serena. She was still in two minds about it and decided that she would gauge the situation to see if this was something that Serena wanted to do. The romance side of things had died along with Elinor and Bernie cringed at this direct comparison in her mind. Berating herself for even making that comparison. Fact was this was something unavoidable and despite the ups and downs of it all she knew whole heartedly that she was in this for the long run with Serena. No question in her mind. What they had was not based on a foundation of lust and sex. It was something more solid.

She headed over to Serena's and knocked at the door, hoping not to find Serena in a drunken stupor. The door opened fairly swiftly, this reassured Bernie. Serena appeared, she had changed into comfortable clothes. Bernie thought she looked beautiful in her oversized woollen jumper.

Bernie smiled widely as Serena opened the door further to let her in. "Hope you're hungry?"

"You know me." Bernie confirmed tipping her head to one side in acknowledgement as she took of her coat.

Bernie noticed that quiet music was playing and the place was fairly dark, "Jason?" She queried.

Serena smiled, "At Celia's. Forget that it's valentine's day, its Tuesday. Lord knows the struggle should Valentine 's Day fall on a day outside of 'the routine'. "She made quotation marks with her fingers. Bernie laughed heartily, which in turn made Serena laugh. A rare thing these days.

As they entered the kitchen Bernie smiled as she knew Serena had made one of her favourites. Home made chicken kiev's, wedges and salad. Serena busied herself at the worktop cutting salad, she had timed it to perfection. "Would you like a drink?" She asked as she finished off the salad bowl.

"I'll have what you're having." Bernie replied.

Serena walked over to Bernie and stroked her cheek, "we can share a bottle?" It was more a question, less statement.

"Yes darling. I would like that."

Bernie was tasked with sorting drinks as Serena plated up the food. The sat adjacently as they ate and exchanged small talk. It was easy, the easiest they had been for a while. As they finished up and Serena took away their dishes she reappeared with an envelope for Bernie. Not a valentine's card envelope but a manila envelope. Bernie looked suspiciously at it as Serena slid it in front of her willing her to open it. "Sorry I didn't get you a card, I just couldn't find one for…"

Bernie laughed, "Yeah, um, same."

She handled the envelope and pulled the contents out as she read the printed email. "A race day at Oulton Park?"

Serena nodded.

"You, you got me, this?"

Serena nodded again, "Yes."

"But how did you, um"

Serena held her hand "I can't take the credit. I told Jason I needed to get you something special…"

Bernie placed her other hand over theirs. "It's perfect."

She wanted to kiss Serena, she was so thankful. But they had not been intimate in weeks and she certainly did not want to break that duck. She knew it would have to be Serena to make such moves. Serena brushed Bernie's cheek with a tear in her eye and placed her forehead against Bernie's. "Really, you like it."

"I love it, I love you."

Serena leaned forward and kissed Bernie tenderly, "I love you too."

"Good to know Ms Campbell, wait here, I have something for you." Bernie got up and went to her bag for the box. A feeling of trepidation cascaded over her as she reflected that her shitty gift to Serena was nowhere near a match to her day at Oulton Park. Better than nothing though she thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Bernie sat back at the table and placed a small gift box in front of Serena. She gave a broad sheepish grin. "It isn't much. I'm sorry."

Serena looked at Bernie, and then the box; she looked Bernie back in the eyes, "Anything from you is a gift darling. I'm sure I will love it." She gave a reassuring look as she opened the box.

She lifted out an I pod from the box and turned it over in her hands recognising it immediately, "This is your I pod Bernie."

Bernie nodded.

"You're giving it to me?"

Bernie nodded again.

Serena's eyes filled with tears. Bernie had given her a very personal gift. For someone who seemed emotionally detached from the rest of the world at times she was doing quite well. Serena knew this gift was not a rushed afterthought; after all Bernie did not strike her as the kind of person who kept I pod sized gift boxes in her flat just in case she needed an impromptu gift for her girlfriend.

"Why?"

Bernie looked down as she tried to find the words. "Um, I, didn't know what to get you. Nothing I could get would be, ur, um." She took at little cough. "So I thought about something that, um, would mean something."

Serena listened as Bernie opened up, this gift, it seems, had more meaning than she could ever imagine. Bernie continued, "That there," She points to the I pod, "Has been with me for a number of years now. Supported me and been there in every situation. Loneliness, anger, fear, longing, happiness, sadness, love, hate, you name it. Music has been a support, a therapy for me, and I, um, yeah, I thought…" She left her sentence hanging a moment.

"I want you to have it, a part of me, with you." Now Serena was crying silently tears flowing freely. "Serena, I am sorry I didn't mean to upset you love. I got myself a new one, you can have that one if you prefer, rather than my slightly damaged one."

Serena shook her head. "I rather think I like this slightly damaged one." She squeezed Bernie's arm as her reference did not just refer to the item in her other hand. She leant in to kiss Bernie, a deep longing kiss. As they broke Serena whispered, "thank you."

They sat for a moment, drinking wine in silence. Bernie coughed slightly, drawing Serena out of a little daydream. Bernie whispered, "The second part of your present is in your bedroom."

Serena looked up wondering what on earth it could be.

Bernie was kicking herself, _Christ Serena is going to think I going to shag her senseless for the rest of her gift. Before that would have been fine, more than fine. Not now though._

She quickly rephrased, "Um, yeah the other part of your gift is set up in your room." _Better Bernie, not sounding like you arrived for one thing._

Serena looked with curiosity. She grabbed her wine glass and went to put the I pod on the table so she could grab Bernie's hand. Bernie nodded down and indicated to the table, "You are going to need to bring that."

Serena pocketed it and grabbed Bernie's hand keen to see what the second part of her gift could be.


	3. Chapter 3

Serena opened the door to her room looking for her next gift. Nothing apparent was there. Bernie followed in smiling as Serena turned to her and shrugged. Bernie laughed and embraced Serena.

"I asked Jason to set up some wireless speakers in your room", she pointed up at the speakers in 2 corners of the room.

Serena looked gob smacked, "Like at the flat?"

Bernie nodded, "Yes, exactly the same."

Serena was looking up in awe wondering when Bernie had sorted this. "Would you like me to show you how they work?"

Serena nodded as she handed the I pod to Bernie. Bernie pulled a remote control from her trouser pocket. "The speakers are all set up, all you need to do is press the standby button and adjust the volume." She indicated to Serena and handed the remote to her.

"You know how to switch on the I pod." Serena nodded as Bernie swiped at the screen. "You just have to go to settings and swipe on for the Bluetooth." She showed the screen to Serena and they both smiled as music kicked in rather loudly.

Serena listened, she knew the song, she knew that she liked the song and suspected that Bernie had intended it to come on.

Bernie put her arms around Serena as she started to mouth the words quietly to the song that resonated deeply with her.

 _"If I could make a wish,_

 _I think I'd pass,_

 _can't think of anything I need._

 _No cigarettes,_

 _no sleep,_

 _no light,_

 _no sound,_

 _nothing to eat,_

 _no books to read._

 _Making love with you has left me peaceful warm and tired,_

 _what more could I ask there's nothing left to be desired._

 _Peace came upon me and it leaves me weak,_

 _So sleep silent angel go to sleep._

 _Sometimes all I need is the air that I breathe and to love you."_

The song continued as they held each other, Serena broke the hold a little to look at Bernie. The sincerity of the words booming from the speakers. How could she push this wonderful woman away?

"Will you stay tonight? Please?" Serena asked.

Bernie responded, no thought needed. "I'm here as long as you need me."

"I will always need you darling." She held Bernie's hand and led her to the side of the bed so that they could sit.

Bernie whispered, "Pick another song."

Serena looked at her and started to swipe, "Anything?"

"Yeah anything." Bernie giggles as she drinks her wine placing her arm around Serena's shoulder as Serena searched the lists.

"Are there any songs you don't like?"

"On there, no." Bernie took a chance and kissed Serena's temple. Not wanting to go too far but show some affection.

Serena smiled as she hid the screen from Bernie and selected a song. Bernie gave her a look and furrowed her brow.

The next song came on and Bernie opened her mouth with a silent 'ah' as the first few notes rang out. "You know this song?"

"You know this song!" Serena said in surprised statement. "You do know it's a Christmas song."

"Pah, I play it all year round, it's a nice song."

The haunting orchestra of the song echoed in the room as the harmonies sang.

 _"I need you,_

 _I love you,_

 _The game will never be over because we're keeping the dream alive."_

"Well, Major, you are full of surprises. You are quite the romantic really. " She moved in to kiss Bernie once again that night, realising that the paralysis of grief that had plagued her for so long was starting to lift a little as feeling started to return to her.

The rest of that night was spent discovering Bernie's quite eclectic music preferences and rediscovering the connection between them that had fallen by the wayside in the events of the last few weeks.

Bernie smiled to herself realising that gift she was worried about had actually drawn them closer together. Maybe music being a good form of therapy was not complete cods wallop after all.

For those interested the first song was The Hollies, The Air That I Breathe; the second song was Freiheit, Keeping the Dream Alive.


End file.
